Charlie and the Chocolate Factory

Charlie and the Chocolate Factory, the remake with Johnny Depp? Fucking. Blows. It is in no way charming, or witty, or delightful. Depp comes off more as a child molester than an eccentric candy maker. In the original, Gene Wilder was weird, sure, but it was in a good way. I'm worried Depp's gonna touch me inappropriately. It's dark, bleak and uninspiring. It's not whimsical in the way the original was. Depp says weird things like Wilder did in the original, but it's like hes trying to imitate Wilder instead of bringing something unique to the role.

Sure, it follows a bit closer to the book than the original, but is it worth the severely creepy performance delivered by not only Depp, but by everybody in the damn thing? The kids are more obnoxious, their parents sickening, even Charlie and Grandpa Joe irk me. Seriously, I usually dig Burton and Depp together but this is so abysmal that I wish I had painted something, just so I could watch the paint dry instead of this. And by the way, why did they only use one guy for all the oompa loompas? Could they not find little people to cast in this movie?

Oh and on top of all this other shit I'm bitching about, the CGI sucks balls. Even the music bites. It's hard to make Danny Elfman's music suck, but they managed here. This piece of shit won awards! WTF!

This is all coming across as a fanboy's rant, like I loved the original movie. Honestly, it's ok, but it's not one of my favorites ever. But seriously, fuck this movie. Fuck it hard.

5 Hottest Ladies on TGWTG

Taking a bit of a detour today, because my Xbox is broken and they have not shipped the part to fix the buggardly thing, I’m gonna talk about some of the lovely ladies on one of my favorite sites, ThatGuyWithTheGlasses. Holy mother of God are there some sexy women on that site. This list is not in any particular order, because frankly I couldn’t choose. Now, granted, these lovely ladies are mostly playing a character, and so I’m not sure that they actually share their own personality on camera, but this is just based on what I see.

Lindsay Ellis (AKA The Nostalgia Chick)

The first lady I watched on TGWTG, Lindsay Ellis reviews “girly” movies and tv shows that would be rather odd to watch the Nostalgia Critic review. Oh my Gawd. That sums it up. Seriously, go watch either the Moulin Rouge musical review, or her single review of the movie Hocus Pocus. If she doesn’t get your motor going, check your pulse; you may be dead.

Antonella Inserra (Nella)

Nella. Oh how lovely you are. I think most people didn’t realize just how sexy this lady is until the Nostalgia Chick’s Dark Nella Saga series of videos, but I gotta say, I was diggin’ on Nella long before that.  Cute, geeky, and luscious, Nella is a frequent guest on Nostalgia Chick videos.

Jillian Zurawski (Mrs. Cinema Snob)

I envy Brad Jones. He has possibly one of the hottest wives ever. Not to mention she’s got to be one of the most understanding ladies ever, seeing the things that she does for her husband.

Update: Concerning Jillian

I think I've figured out why I really dig Mrs Snob. She reminds me forcibly of a friend of mine from high school who I had such a thing for. She looks, sounds like and is pierced just like my friend. It's uncanny. 

Sarah Wilson (PushingUpRoses)

I’m a sucker for tats and piercings and Roses is sporting both.

Allison Pregler (Obscurus Lupa)

I got a thing for redheads, what can I say?

Now, I didn’t say much about the individual ladies because they share a lot of common traits that I dig; awesome smiles, geeky (in their own special way) and they just seem like people I could actually be around without wanting to commit murder.  This whole thing is just personal opinion, and honestly, all of these women are so far outta my league it’s unreal, but I thought I’d share, since I’m bored out of my mind.