Charlie and the Chocolate Factory, the remake with Johnny Depp? Fucking. Blows. It is in no way charming, or witty, or delightful. Depp comes off more as a child molester than an eccentric candy maker. In the original, Gene Wilder was weird, sure, but it was in a good way. I'm worried Depp's gonna touch me inappropriately. It's dark, bleak and uninspiring. It's not whimsical in the way the original was. Depp says weird things like Wilder did in the original, but it's like hes trying to imitate Wilder instead of bringing something unique to the role.
Sure, it follows a bit closer to the book than the original, but is it worth the severely creepy performance delivered by not only Depp, but by everybody in the damn thing? The kids are more obnoxious, their parents sickening, even Charlie and Grandpa Joe irk me. Seriously, I usually dig Burton and Depp together but this is so abysmal that I wish I had painted something, just so I could watch the paint dry instead of this. And by the way, why did they only use one guy for all the oompa loompas? Could they not find little people to cast in this movie?
Oh and on top of all this other shit I'm bitching about, the CGI sucks balls. Even the music bites. It's hard to make Danny Elfman's music suck, but they managed here. This piece of shit won awards! WTF!
This is all coming across as a fanboy's rant, like I loved the original movie. Honestly, it's ok, but it's not one of my favorites ever. But seriously, fuck this movie. Fuck it hard.
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